Why does it seem like when you want to find a friend with benefits you never can, but when you aren’t looking for it, the opportunity then seems to present itself? Finding a fuck buddy is a funny phenomenon. When you think about it, you are looking for a “buddy” first that is also someone you hookup with. Therein lies the the problem… How do you find a “buddy” of the opposite sex that has high casual sex potential?
The trick is that you don’t look for it. When you treat everyone the same and put effort in to knowing everyone around you then you learn to be socially interesting. Once you can learn to be socially interesting in a less intimidating group, you can start looking to find new groups to be socially interesting within. If meeting new people and having more interesting conversations becomes your initial metric to judge yourself by, then you are much more likely to find a fuck buddy (or 100+).
So basically, the whole secret is this… be the life of the party and don’t ignore anyone except the girl(s) you want to have sex with. With time, you’ll learn the art of knowing when to direct your attention towards them. You try to get their attention indirectly, build up tension then show some interest before walking away. It’s a constant ebb and flow of tension.
Once you have her interested enough, you can start to say things like “I’m just having fun right now. Hooking up can be fun with the right person, you ever hook up with anyone at a party?” You want to start asking questions while letting her know you are not in the market for dating. This is how douche-bags get all the girls. They don’t know what they’re doing and they ask these kinds of questions because the actually want to know the question. The different between you and a douche-bag is that you are a smart person looking to find a fuck buddy, not an asshole just looking to get laid by anyone. You ask qualifying questions, lay groundwork, and mastermind ebbs and flows of tension. You are an artist, while Ed Hardy guy is an idiot.
So how does it work in the real world? What does it look like to actually find a fuck buddy?
Remember the first thing is to become socially interesting. So, I recommend you go out with your old friends. This time though, your goal is to become socially interesting to the person in your group you “click with” least. This could be a dude you don’t like or the significant other of your best friend, or whatever. Guy or girl, it doesn’t matter. You just want to focus on getting that person to like you while still being social.
Tip: The first time I gave this advice to a friend, he asked the person he didn’t like in his group to go to a private room and chat. Then he proceeded to ask this person a ton of awkward questions which where both odd and somewhat concerning for the recipient. This is a good case of what not to do. You want to be more social with this person and friendly. Then if the situation arises to ask more intimate questions or have deeper conversations then great. If not, don’t push it.